Darth Obi Palpatine: The Documetry
by Littlerazorblade274
Summary: Chapter 2 is UP! Here is the documentry you've been waiting for. a day or two in the life of Darth vader, Obiwan, and Palpatine. Here is what it's really like. T for some mildly dirty humor. Hey, if your gonna read the story R&R!
1. Chapter 1

An Anakin & Obi-wan adventure!

We all know that Anakin became Darth Vader, but what happened to Obi wan on Tatooine? Well ladies and Gentle men, I have the truth! Mind you, this is in documentary and script form!

Our journey begins as while Darth Vader is having a tea party.

"Oh Mrs. Grandest Emperor in the world, would you like some tea?"

Dramatic music plays as the emperor, dressed in a 3 year old's girly dress enters.

"Do you want me to kill you?"

"Is this a trick question?

"Maybe."

"I'm going to go find obi-wan."

"Good Bye!"

As soon as Darth Vader was gone, Palpatine began to plan.

"Gee, should I kill him with poison, a lightsaber, or classical music?"

"I said he began to think, not talk."

Meanwhile, on Tatooine… 

Obi-wan is just getting up for breakfast. He has grown very fat since we last saw him in Episode III.

(Obi wan looks at the camera in his room)

Uh oh. It looks like obi wan has decided, that we are hostile. He is taking out his lightsaber. But oh, look at that, he sliced of his leg. Do you need any help there fella?

"No, you were the chosen one!"

"What was I chosen to do?" responded the narrator

"I'm working on figuring that out."

And so, after a trip to the hospital, Obi wan was just fine.

Back on the death star… 

"Oh, My unicorn is way prettier than yours!" said Palpatine

Ok, maybe not on the Death star. _What about Darth Vader…_

"Ah ha! I'm finally on Tatooine! What was I here to do? (Hears his stomach growl) I want a hot dog!"

Back to obi-wan…

Oh look, Obi-wan is being attacked by a wild animal. How cute. But look, Obi-wan just used force push to push the animal off him. He grabs his lightsaber, and abruptly cuts off his other leg.

So, after another trip to the hospital, Obi-wan is just fine.

Back on the death star… 

"So then I told her that eating makes her look sexy. She tried to slap me, but her hand got stuck in my melted face, so here she is. Her hand is stuck in my face." Palpatine told the storm trooper.

"Well at least it's a date." Said the storm trooper.

"I don't date guys with helmet hair." She responded

"How do you know this is a helmet?" He asked.

"Are you gay!" she screamed

"That depends… are you a guy?"

Back with Darth Vader… 

So I sense a huge amount of force energy here

Darth Vader looks at the bar in front of him.

_3 hours later…_

"I told you I'm not drunk Obi-wan!" he yelled

"I told you, my name is not Obi-wan! It's Barbara Bush! And I'm Married!"

_Back with obi wan…_

Obi-wan is looking up at the clock. It's 9pm.

Almost Obi-Wan's bedtime. But since it's Friday, it's his night to get drunk!

_5 hours later…_

"I'll see you next Friday Frank!"

"Who are you?" a women yells at him

But because I need to end this story… 

Obi-wan and Darth Vader meet at 2am. Both are too drunk to fight. So they walk past each other. But, but total Coincidence, Obi-wan knocks darth Vader's Lightsaber loose, and Slices off his arms!

So, after another trip to the hospital, 4 lost limbs, 4 mechanical limbs, 2 lightsabers, 1 unicorn, and 2 women, we learn Obi-Wan's daily routine, why Darth Vader never caught Obi-wan, and Palpatine's true nature of well…never mind that.

THE END!


	2. Palpatine

Part 1 and1/2

A day in the life of Palpatine

Ok, because of the response to the documentary on Darth Vader, and more specifically people saying how funny Palpatine was, I went and filmed just Palpatine for a day. Here it is:

It was a regular day on the star destroyer that pay-pal woke up to.

"It's Palpatine, you ugly retard" Palpatine said.

"How do you know I'm ugly…I'm the narrator." Responded the narrator

"Because you got burned alive on a volcanic planet called Mustafar.yes, I know it's you, Vader"

"It's not Vader, It's James earl Jones, Who's retarded now! Go James, earl Jones!"

Lets skip that part… 

Flashes forward to Palpatine watching his shows.

"No Roderick don't do it!" the TV screamed. But being that it's a soap opera, he did it.

Mad, at Roderick for doing it, Palpatine blows up his TV with force lightning. Suddenly he gets an idea!

"I've got an idea! I'll make a huge ball that can blow things up! I'll call it the ball that can blow things up!" He exclaimed.

"Maybe you should call it the death star," said a storm trooper.

"That's a stupid name. 'Death star' what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means a star that brings doom, you fat retard! Oh and by the way, that space chick you hooked me up with and I dated broke up with me." He said

"Aw, I'm sorry. But since you called me a retard, I have to kill you." Palpatine said

"Man, today is just not my day." Said the storm trooper. He tried to run, but the force lightning picked him up, tickled him until he pee'd himself, set the pee on fire, which burned him, and the killed him.

Fast forward… 

Here is Palpatine at dinner with Darth Vader…

"Why are you late for dinner, Vader?"

"hold on, lets pray. Dear God, we thank you for creating planets so we can blow them up, we thank you for this food that will feed us so that we have the energy to go kill people for no good reason, and we would ask that you would bless the hands who have made this so that if it's crappy, we can go kill him (flashes to the chef getting into a spaceship). Amen"

"Well Vader how was your day?"

"Fine, I guess. I vent to Dagobah to find Yoda. I didn't find him but I found Elvis. Man, this guy is fat, but man can he sing! Then after that I went to Hoth and went Clubbing. I met this girl, her name was Barbra Bush, she said she was married and tried to slap me, but broke her hand on my helmet."

"Now Darth, You know what I say about girls…" Palpatine said intently

"Yeah, don't ask for their numbers, ask if they wanna join the sith army."

"There ya go."

"So anyways, after that I Came back here and being that I felt bad for breaking Barbra's hand, I killed a whole bunch of storm troopers with force tickle."

"Now Darth, You know my rule on killing storm troopers…"

"Yeah, I know, don't kill them unless you can cover it up with classical music. So anyways after that you called me for dinner but when I got up, I realized that the technician turned on the Magnet so I got stuck to the wall for an hour. So then I came to dinner."

After dinner… 

Palpatine decide to go to bed. But he had to perform his night ritual first. He had to go blow up a planet. Tonight, it was Yavin 452. So he counted. 1,2,3,4,573,0, BOOM!

So Palpatine went to bed.

THE END!


End file.
